Please help im so embarresed?

You need to go see a doctor. Don't worry if you cry infront of them. The only way to get your old life back is to take better care of yourself. If you're talking to a therapist, you should be able to cope better with the abuse that you went through. You need to accept that it happened and move on. But you definitely need to see a doctor. don't be scared they're only going to make things better.